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This Monday, October 8th, we welcome a new moon cycle, heralded by the New Moon. This New Moon arrives in the sign of Libra. So what does this mean for us?
The New Moon is the beginning phase of the moon cycle. This is the time when the cycle resets itself, when the Moon cycle starts anew, and, by association and correspondence, WE can start anew. The New Moon, also known as the Dark Moon, is the time for new beginnings. It’s the time for fresh starts, for manifestation and declaring our new intentions. It’s the time to start over, to let the past be the past and to re-commit to our goals and intentions.
Each New Moon arrives in a different sign, and to many of us, this is the perfect way to organize and make sense of the complex machinations and different layers and gears of our lives. In any one day, if someone asks you, “What do you want?”, you may rattle off a list of things, each in a different category. Though you can do things to work towards all your goals simultaneously throughout the year, and I definitely encourage you to do that, it can be of benefit and help with your sanity to place emphasis on a major area of your life for one month at a time.
This October 8th, the New Moon arrives in the sign of Libra. Libra is a beautiful sign. Libra is all about balance and harmony. It is the sign of fairness and justice , ruled by the planet Venus. Because of this desire for harmony, equality, peace and People born under the sign of Libra are the most likely to be in a relationship or desire or “need” to be in a relationship. Though there are certainly exceptions to the rule, the sign of Libra is least likely to want to go it alone.
This New Moon in Libra, we are going to explore our relationships with others and talk about how to manifest and create not just any type of relationship, but the type of relationship in which all parties benefit from and grow. So let’s get into it!
So how ARE your relationships with others? And for this month, though any relationships can apply, we are going to focus on your personal relationships: lovers, spouses, family and friends. Do you feel that your relationships are healthy, strong, vibrant and providing sustenance and growth to all parties involved? Does your involvement with those closest to you result in loving energy that you can then spread around and feed back into the rest of the world? Or do you struggle in this area?
So naturally we are all in different places in this regard. And some of our relationships could be going very well, and yet others could be very challenging if not downright nightmarish and negative. So how can we generally improve the quality of our relationships, and move that sliding scale from the negative, toxic, energy-depleting end of the scale up a lot of notches to the positive, life-affirming, love-generating, joy-creating end of the scale?
The very first thing we can do to improve the quality of our relationships may seem, on the surface, to be a selfish act. The first thing you need to do is check the level of your Self-Love.
That’s right. How are you treating yourself? Are you loving yourself? And I didn’t ask if you always make sure your nails are done, or your hair is DID, or your clothes are pressed and matching and on point. Yes, these things could be an aspect of taking care of yourself, and I encourage you to do them if you this will make you feel good, but beautifying your outside is not the same thing as Self-Love.
Self-Love is recognizing that you are a Priceless, One-of-a-Kind, powerful being that needs and DESERVES to be loved, and who has plenty of love and good to give to others and the world. When you love yourself, you recognize that you are not perfect and that you make mistakes, but those mistakes do not diminish your worth or what you have to offer.
So why is Self-Love so important in creating harmonious relationships? At the most simplistic level, how you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you. One more time: How you treat yourself, is how you teach others to treat you. If you are disrespected, preyed upon, abused, neglected, ignored…you are showing to the world that is how you are to be treated by others. You are inviting that into your relationships. On the other hand, if you are respected, treated with kindness, loved, fed well emotionally and spiritually, cared for and protected, then that is how you are showing the world to treat you. You would be inviting that into your relationships.
A longer answer as to why Self-Love is crucial to grow harmonious relationships is due to the cyclical nature of energy. Your relationships are the product of the energy that all participants put into it. This energy, in turn, will flow back into your individual life as a single person. This energy then goes back out again into the relationship, and this continues ad infinitum until the conclusion of the relationship, which often can mean for many , many years or until the death of the participant or participants. Your power to create or change a relationship, therefore lies with you. It begins with your personal power and yourself as an individual. It NEVER begins with the other person. And the energy you must bring in, that starts with YOU, is loving, compassionate energy, beginning at Ground Zero: Yourself. It starts with yourself, treating yourself as you want to be treated, and radiates outward, to those closest to you, and then to the outer world.
So what can you do if you suspect you are not loving yourself enough? The short answer is to start ASAP. It is extremely important. When we do not love ourselves, it stops up the flow of the stream that we swim and move and dance in on a daily basis. We have no fresh “flow” to offer the rest of the world. We stagnate in our own “waste”; the waste of self-hatred and lower frequency emotions like anger, fear and depression. When we have these at the level of our Selves, that’s all we have to offer anyone else. The waste just continues to circulate, out and back, back and forth, and just like in the physical world, with no fresh higher quality energy introduced, the quality degrades with each pass.
Getting started on the path to Self-Love is easy. I encourage you to start right away! Like today! Right now! I love you! Say that you love yourself! Right now! Say it with me now. Deep breath.
“I Love Myself.”
Again. “I Love Myself.”
Once more. “I Love Myself.” Beautiful.
Now getting started is easy. The process of accepting this as truth can be very difficult. That’s ok, keep saying these words. Daily. You can also pick up a good book on the subject. Two that come to mind are “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” by Kamal Ravikant, and “Radical Self-Love” by Gala Darling. Now, both of these books are very different in tone, so I encourage you to check out the Reading Sample feature on Amazon to see if one or both are going to resonate with you. There are even more books out there about loving yourself. I encourage you to look into one and get reading. I also would encourage you to find help. Please talk to a counselor, a spiritual counselor or someone that you trust about growing more self-love for yourself. This is so important!
A final reason that Self-Love is important is because it raises your judgement and your standard for who is acceptable to commence Personal Relationships of Choice with. What I mean by Personal Relationships of Choice are friends and lovers. Unlike family, you have a damn choice on whether or not to bring these people into your life. And though all humans need and deserve love, let’s be honest here, there are a lot of people who are parasitic and have no intention of giving, only taking until there is nothing but a husk left, and then they will move on to the next. That, unfortunately, is the life lesson that some people have arrived at: you take and swallow and pillage and steal and exploit what you can, and then you move on. Kind of like human corporations. Loving yourself will help to weed out those that are worthy of entering your personal sphere from those that are not. Very important. Like the title of the movie goes, you gotta let the right one in. Ok?
Ok, so after Self-Love, what else can we do to cultivate harmonious relationships? It is also extremely important to practice Compassion. Compassion is empathy for others. It’s an understanding that though people may be acting in a way that is against how you would act or thinking in a way that is counter to how you think, you can understand their perspective and see where they are coming from.
This is also something that can be very, very hard to do. Compassion is not the same as Pardoning or Agreement. It is all about recognizing the connectedness of the human race OVER the differences. It is about recognizing that our perspectives are all the result of our experiences. As our experiences on this earth are extremely varied and literally all over the map, the resulting perspectives that we’ve adopted are similarly extremely varied and all over the map. The family we are born to, the formal education we’ve been given, the pain we’ve felt and dealt with, the healing we’ve received, have all come from different sources, much of which were given to us through no asking of our own. When you meet someone who has a very different perspective than you, it’s likely because they traveled a very different Earth journey than you, and thus have come to some very different conclusions. For example, a woman born to a loving and socially successful family may have come to the conclusion as an adult there are two basic choices in life: to be successful or to be a failure. She strives to be successful, the higher of the two choices. Another woman born to a dysfunctional and harsh family may reach adulthood with the conclusion that there are two basic choices in life: to be a victim or to be a bully. She strives to a bully, the higher of the two choices.
Compassion is crucial in relationships, as what are relationships but comingling of two or more different life perspectives. It is usually our similarities that bring us together. Nonetheless, sooner or later, our different perspectives emerge, and these can begin to throw waves and storms into what was once a smooth sailing sea. Compassion is one of the most sensible and effective ways to diffuse turbulent energies in our relationships. And yes, it can be damn HARD. Especially if their perspective is strikingly different than yours and you were not expecting that.
Cultivating more Compassion in your life could begin as simply as getting to know more and more people. The more different from you the people you get to know ARE, the more fertile the ground is for growing Compassion. Having Diversity in your friends, even just in your acquaintance relationships, is very effective. Getting to know different people will help you to see the internal commonalities among people OVER the more external differences.
The third aspect that can be used to improve your relationships? Taking it to the Universe. When you’ve done what you can, when you’ve taken action towards your own goals and desires, don’t forget that you are not alone. You are NEVER alone. Ask the Universe – God – Spirit, to assist you in your goals. Do what you can, and lay what you can’t at the Universe’s feet. We are all tied together, sometimes in very obvious, physically visible ways, but more often in secret ways that are not visible to the naked eye…at first.
For example, if you want to CREATE or grow new relationships that are healthy and deep-rooted and mutually beneficial, love, listen and respect yourself, learn to develop Compassion, and then ASK that the perfect new relationship or relationships be shown to you. This can be done via meditation, hypnosis, prayer or affirmations. The point is to open yourself to the Universe and to the possibility of this new relationship.
The same goes for the healing of existing relationships. After practicing and infusing your relationships with Self-Love, Love and Compassion, put it out into the Universe that you want and expect a change in your relationships. Be open and receptive to allowing this change in your life. Miracles can happen, and they will especially happen when you allow them to.
And finally…a side effect of incorporating more Self-Love, of asking the Universe to guide you, of incorporating more Compassion for others…the side effect of incorporating these changes into your life COULD very well be the wisdom and the realization that a relationship needs to be severed. A relationship is just that…two or more people’s interaction with each other. YOU may be devoted to fostering a healthy, mutally beneficial relationship, but you can’t control the minds and intent of others. Some people are simply not into self-improvement, or spreading more love into the world, or healing or helping others. Some people will, unfortunately, go to the grave not learning the lessons that they were placed on this earth to learn and teach others. That is their choice. They struggle, and have nothing to offer others but pain and torment. When you find yourself yoked to a person like this, there is nothing to do but sever the relationship. If a relationship will not grow you as a person, if it will not put loving energy into the world around you, it needs to be ended in a Personal Capacity. It’s toxic and only offers death and destruction.
When this is necessary, understand that you may need help to do this. We all need help , in common physical tasks as well as spiritual and emotional tasks. It is nothing to be ashamed of. If you realize what you need to do, but the idea is searing and extremely painful to you, please please get help. Talk to someone you trust. Reach out to an organization or nonprofit that are experienced and trusted if you need to. YOUR health and sanity is vital to the health and equilibrium of this world. You deserve someone who will uplift you and make you feel amazing, more buoyant and loved than you’ve ever felt!
Kesha Delacroix Dent